Back in the Day

What happened to me? When did I become the person I see looking back in the mirror above the small round sink in the bathroom. Splotchy skin, dark circles under my eyes, a few more grays and a few more wrinkles, wider hips, stomach pouch from 2 cesareans in a little over 2 years, smaller breasts, dry lifeless hair and red eyes?

I remember a time when I felt OK about myself, not great but confident in my skin. I remember a time when I could pretty much point to someone and say I wanted him to ask me out and it would happen. I remember a comment I received (and it will stay with me for the rest of my life) when I confidently walked through the office of one of my many jobs. It was an older women, well older at the time, she was only about 10 years older than I am now maybe about 49. I was just walking minding my own business when she called me over. I remember I was wearing a very vibrant (I was confident)pink and orange suit, I used to call it my sherbert suit. She motioned for me to walk over. She was getting her hair styled at the beauty school that I worked at and she said, "If I had a body like yours, my husband would never leave the house." Yes, it is true to anyone I know personally who reads this. That is her exact quote, I may even ask that it be put on my tombstone/headmarker when I die.

I remember a time when I felt secure in wearing stretch pants, with high heels and a bra top to tend bar (Shut up, it was the 80's and I lived in Jersey). Now I wear comfy pants and a long butt hider type shirt. My hair which has been long my whole life was always styled, I would get tons of compliments on my hair. So long, so healthy, so thick, blah, blah blah. Now it is usually in a ponytail so that my 4 month old doesn't get a face full of dry, straw type hair in the face. How does it happen? How did I just let myself get here? I think I am in need of a much needed physical, spiritual and mental make-over. It is time to think about me. I think I forgot to put myself on the to do list. That is going to change starting now. Stay tuned.