Written for Goddess on April 17th 2005

Goddess,

Good morning baby girl. We are being discharged from the hospital today. You were born 3 days ago on April 14th at 9:52 A.M. Daddy and I arrived at the hospital at 7:35 to be prepped for surgery. I was having contractions during my IV drip so you may have arrived on your own today anyway. Because your brother was breech and required a cesarean the doctors talked me into another cesarean because of my age and the restrictions that were put on me I agreed to go with it. I was dying to just let you come on your own but who knows maybe they know best. Daddy changed into scrubs and I was wheeled into the OR. I received a spinal and waited for Daddy to be allowed into the room. The doctor came in as I was throwing up. I was knocked out with your brother's birth so I had never experienced this before. I threw up the entire time I was in surgery but I couldn't wait for you to be born. Daddy was standing by my head and I kept waiting to fall asleep like I did for Handsome's birth but that never happened. Daddy wanted to give me a play by play of what the doctors were doing but I thought I would be better off not knowing. By what I was feeling below the sheet I could figure out what was happening and knew when I was being cut open and when you were being pulled out.

Daddy told me that they were lifting your head out and I heard them suction you. You started screaming and the doctor held you up for me to see. She took your little arm and waved at me saying, "hi Mommy." I asked Daddy if you were a girl and he said yes.

You had a ton of jet black hair and you looked so small.

The next time I saw you was in recovery. They wheeled me in and Daddy was sitting in a chair next to your bassinet. They brought you to me and I was sick again. I was so sick but was dying to spend time with you. I was amazed that I was awake for your birth and since I didn't get to see any of this with Handsome I wanted to experience all of it.

You looked so perfect and intelligent.

I was moved to my room and Daddy left to go get Handsome so that I could sleep. I slept on and off but my head was swimming with thoughts of you and wanting to see Handsome too.

I heard them wheeling your bassinet into the room and I couldn't wait for them to place you in my arms. You were like a little, perfect, pink angel. My heart loved you already just like it happened with Handsome.

Daddy, Abuela and Handsome came into the room. I handed you to your Abuela and tried to get your brother to come to me. He was afraid because I was lying in a bed with tubes attached to my arms. To be honest I couldn't wait for Abuela to leave so that I could have you all to myself again.

Spending time with you at the hospital has been wonderful. It is like we are in our own little world. I felt the same way with your brother I loved my time at the hospital because it is the only time that it is all about us. Just the two of us. Bonding, laying together and sleeping. I do want to go home because I miss Handsome and really want to start our live together as a family of four. I asked to leave a day earlier than the hospital wanted, we were both doing well so they are releasing us.

I love you baby girl. I waited a very long time for you. You are my little angel and you and your brother are helping me heal old wounds from a time long ago.

I promise to always love you, take care of you sweet girl.

Love, Mommy

More to come....