Money, money, money

Life..
Today I reached my limit.
My life have been so stressful over the last 18 months. I have done really well about not letting myself get sick over how very scary things have become. Once upon a time...I was the girl who worried, stressed, puked, lost sleep, and cried over every fit and fart that rippled through my life. After having kids I decided that I would be more like my husband...if you have no control over something don't waste time stressing about it. So...when he left his job after our daughter was born to start his own business I thrust my arm in the air and yelled "yes, do it."

Obviously starting a business is stressful and takes time. Being the supportive, in-love, dutiful wifey that I am, I stood behind my man and sang his praises whenever a family member or girlfriend rallied that the timing was poor. When would the timing be right I asked them? Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and I totally stand behind him. I would hear, "he's lucky he is not married to me" or "I would be telling him to get his ass a job." I thought whatever...thankfully he is not married to you, he is married to me!

I still feel that way 18 months later...I hope and pray that everything will come together soon because I don't know how we will live otherwise.

Today, I was told that we would no longer be carried under our State Aid Health Insurance because we have $3,000 in savings more than allowed. I called them to ask for a informal conference to have them re-evaluate our paperwork. I told them that we have a house, an equity loan, car payments, winter coming so there will be oil payments, and that the $3,000 will be exhausted before they can finish our paperwork. I was told that the denial would stand until we show that we have spent the $3,000 and on what..then we could start our paperwork over again. Friggin government! The women was sympathetic but her hands are tied.

We are eligible for Wic but I refuse to take the kids to have blood drawn so that we can get food! My daughter would be fine but my son would have to be held down and that is just too traumatic for him and for me.

My husband is doing the best he can and I trust that he will take care of me and the kids. He told me today that everything will be ok and not to worry, but that is his job as a husband. I remain optimistic that everything will eventually work out but I am so scared sometimes.

Ok...deep breath..I just had to write it down so I could put it away for the night!