Happy Birthday To Me

Now this is weird, Wishing myself a happy birthday. I guess if I was journaling I would write something like this:

Tomorrow is my 42nd birthday. August 13th! 42 years ago my parents were in love and expecting. My mother really wanted a baby girl and she got her wish. Since she is gone over 30 years of my life I take my birthday to remember her. I sit with the thought that she labored and pushed feeling me exit her body until we were two. I was born at 7:38 a.m. and she held me. She was happy and had visitors who were also happy to see this brand new baby enter the world. Honestly, there is nothing like a brand new baby. All the possibilities for their future and wanting to teach them and guide them through all of lifes twists and turns. Unfortunately she was taken from me way too soon and I never got to hear her tell me about dating, girlfriends, college, work, heartbreak, marriage, sex, or mothering.

Sometimes I allow myself to imagine how our conversations would go.

Me - Hi Mom, it's me.
Mommy - Hi, honey! How are the kids?
Me - Oh, you know how it is. They are driving me crazy and I am tired of playing referee.
Mommy - You know Maria, you and your sisters were the same way. You loved to play together but I spent a good part of my day seperating you guys. Two of you were fine but add the 3rd one and all hell broke loss.
Me - How did you handle it?
Mommy - I think with your two a good swift kick in the arse!
Us - Laughing
Mommy - Put them on I want to tell them how much I love them and that I will see them in a couple of days.
Kids - Laughing and answering mostly yes/no questions.
Me - Mom? Have a great night and I will talk to you tomorrow if not later.
Mommy - Ok, just don't call me during America's Got Talent or Without a Trace!
Me - Love you Mom
Mommy - Love you too baby!

I have no idea what kind of relationship we would really have but I know that she loved me and she knew I loved her so hopefully we would still be close.

As for my real world, I might go off diet to have a cupcake because my kids loving singing happy birthday to anyone. They have been singing happy birthday to me all month and making me little pretend cakes. My husband should be home tomorrow night for my birthday, which will be a first since he started teaching nights, the past 2 birthday's he has had to work and doesn't come home until 11:48 p.m.

In the past 15 days I have gotten a "surprise" gift from my kids daily. They walk up and hand me a gift bag saying something like, "Happy Birthday, you are going to love it Mommy" or "It's what you wanted." I open the gift bag to find their ball, favorite stuffed animal, a crayon or just a hair clip. They are adorable as they watch me ooh and aah over the gift. I love this little game and I am sure they will have grown out of this next year so I am enjoying every moment.

Anyway....Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me...Happy Birthday to Me.