Post from The Past - June 22, 2005

A Mother's Love

• Seeing my two children together makes my heart smile. It is crazy how much love you can feel for someone. I thought I knew love until I had my babies. I love them from the top of their head to their sweet, smelly toes. They are my heart on legs. I would die for them but oh my God, why didn't anyone tell me how much work it would be to have two so close together. They are 23 months apart (2 years old and 2 months old). My mom did it with two who were 11 months apart. She died at 34 years old! I am sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that at her 4 week check up after having me she was pregnant but it makes you think. Crazy women!
  
  I love my kids despite the following:
  - my toddler fights me on everything and anything(hello who with a toddler will deny this?)
  - my daughter cries constantly (if she was first she would be an only child)
  - my son wants me to sing, no wait he wants me to sing, no don't sing (make up your mind kid)
  - my daughter constantly leaks through her very expensive diapers onto her beautiful clothes right after I have changed her.
  - my son wants to color, no color, yes, no, yes...you get the picture
  - etc, etc, etc.

In spite of the exhaustion and frustration that I feel on a daily basis, I would not trade being a mom for anything in the world.

For the first time in my life I feel like I have a purpose. I was put here to be a mommy to Handsome and Goddess. I hope they are patient with me as I try to find the new normal that will work for our family.

God, I remember these times as so crazy but beautiful. No one knows how alone I truly felt during this time. I was trapped in the house with two babies all day long. My husband worked all day and came in complaining that I was always on the phone but I was just hard up for adult conversation. I felt like I was slowly losing my mind. The days and nights just blended into one another. I was living on about 5 hours of broken sleep and no companionship. There was no one to help me and I felt very tired and alone all the time. My how things have changed.

May 2, 2009