Saturday 9 - Wedding Bells Blues

1. If you have been or are married, tell us about your wedding. If you are not, tell us how would you want it to be. - Well it was not the wedding I dreamed of my entire life. I wanted the small BBQ at my grandparents house in Millbrook, NY. I wanted to get married at the church I attended as a child. Walk to my mother's grave and put my flowers down then head to grandma and grandpa's for a BBQ in my jeans and a tshirt. My mother-in-law really wanted the big wedding. She said no one would go all the way up there and that I should have it at this place she knew where I could get a great price on food. I am not the person that wants everyone looking at her so the whole DJ and dancing thing sucked for me. I hated the music and felt quite alone even at my own wedding. There were a few times when I thought, "should the bride be standing alone at her own wedding?" I am not good in crowds and seem to get lost in the woodwork. Everyone had a great time and my family still talks about the food.

Then one of my guests felt ill and on the way to the bathroom, passed out taking down my 86 year old aunt and the partition wall that separated the parties. The ambulance had to be called and thankfully I had a doctor and nurse there. He was unconscious for only a moment but it was unforgetable. Especially when I had to track down my DJ who was hanging out upstairs and yell at him to play some music so we could get the party restarted. Yes, because I love confrontation. Then my 86 year old aunt who was bleeding from the forehead sat there saying the last time she "had a man on top of her was over 60 years ago". Yikes! Too sad to even think about.

2. What age would you encourage your children to get married? When they are ready but I would hope it was not before 25 years of age.

3. Who got married at the last wedding that you attended? Irene and Joe. They are no longer married.

4. Do you enjoy weddings and receptions? Not particularly. My husband is not that husband who enjoys dancing and I feel like a fool dancing with the other non-partner girls because I know he is watching.

5. Have you cried at a wedding? Yes, but not a real one. One of those fake TV or movie kind. You know, the unrealistic, romantic kind.

6. Would you prefer a lavish event or a intimate ceremony? Very intimate.

7. Have you ever been in some one’s wedding party? If yes, do tell. Yes. I was in my sisters and my girlfriends.

8. Does a wedding make you happy and sentimental or grouchy and skeptical? It makes me happy and sentimental even though I know there are many who feel differently.

9. Why do you think our divorce rate is so high? Because people don't try hard enough. No one wants to see their role in why things didn't work out. Marriage is work and if you stop working at it, it will fall apart. Caring and respect for the person you are married to is key. Oh, and you generally have to like that person. Love and hate are too closely related. I think people who really "like" not just "love" each other stand a better chance of surviving. I also think people fail to notice the little things and wait for those big, grand gestures of love. Failing to really see their partner as a person and not just the person who is there to "make them happy" is one of the biggest problems I see today. I feel that I am in my husband's life and he in mine but I don't own his life.