For the past three weeks Goddess has been testing her powers. She is a very strong willed, beautiful, loving little girl however she WILL NOT be told what to do. This will unfortunately be a problem for her over the next few years. She tests us (me and Teach) and her teachers at school.
She has always hated being told what to do. Where most kids will eventually crumble. She will NOT. Eventually she will do what was told of her but always with "don't see me." In her mind if we don't see her, it was on her terms, her time.
Lately, she has been trying to sit on the table. When I tell her to get off she smiles and gets back on. She, like Handsome think everything we say is a joke. It is only until we are standing over them screaming that they realize we mean business.
Tonight she started her table sitting. I took her off three times with a "we don't sit on the table" speech. The fourth time I took her to the bathroom brushed her teeth and took her to her bedroom (she would be going in 30 minutes anyway).
We did her prayers like every night, I tucked her in and said good-night. I saw the realization come over her face. She was shocked! But....she continued to come out for 35 minutes. I bring her back in and walk out hearing her cry. I fight the urge to walk in and have a conversation with her. It would make me look like a fool and know that she is Ok. A little crying never hurt anyone. I remind myself that I stood firm and that this is a good lesson for all of us.
I put her very good brother (for at least tonight) to bed with hugs and kisses and a few "thank you for being such a good boy tonight" messages and headed back into the living room where who is waiting there? Goddess, with a friggin smile on her face. Grrr....I push the anger, exhaustion and total pissed off feeling down. Picking her up the now 20th time tonight, I bring her back to her room. She comes out. I pick her up and bring her back in telling her that my patience is wearing thin but if she wants to say I'm sorry to call for me.
She follows me out. I bring her back in and give her a tiny smack on her butt and walk out. I hear her crying. She has stopped right now and I want to walk down the hall to see what she is doing. Is she sleeping? Crying silently, creeping back down the hall?
The professionals would reprimand me for the smack on the butt but seriously it was just a tap.
Ok...so she came back down the hall. This is one of those things that if I had just let the table thing go she would have gone to bed at 8:00 like every other night and I wouldn't be so pissed off at 8:18 p.m.
She is still awake, still upset! She came out AGAIN. It is 8:27. I brought her back in. I knew that she needed to hear that I love her and everything is ok. I put her in bed and tell her "I know you are scared. You think Mommy doesn't love you right now but you are wrong. I do love you and I know you want to be a good girl because that is WHAT you are. You are good. You are being silly right now. It is time for bed and we are all upset. Go to sleep." She hugs me and asked if I will tell her Daddy what happened. She wants me to. I tell her yes and that he will kiss her forehead like he does every night. I assure her that everything is ok and that she doesn't have to be scared. She says, "I want to be a good girl." I tell her that she is a good girl and that this doesn't mean she isn't loved.
She hugs my arm. She is sensitive but I know I have to leave. As much as I want to stay until she is asleep. I leave. I hear her crying quietly. I know it is because she is tired, and hurt. She thinks that I am mad. She is worried. It wasn't a lifetime ago. I remember being a little girl, feeling that you let your parents down and that it was the worst pain in the world to think they were mad at you.
I will go in when I am sure she is asleep. I will kiss her forehead, play with her hair, smell her beautiful baby girl scent. Placing my hand on her heart I will tell her that I love her. I know she won't hear me but hopefully she will feel me and this will give her enough comfort to have pleasant dreams and know that her Mommy will always love her.
Good job sticking to your guns. You did everything right. You let her know you meant business, and you also let her fall asleep knowing you love her more than life itself. Also, if it makes you feel better, you are not alone. River (just turned 4)loves to test my patience as well. Especially with acting out at the dinner table. Grrr... it seems he loves "the show" when I yell and get angry. It's difficult, and I fall into his little trap way too often. Sometimes it makes me feel horrible to discipline him but then hubby reminds me that he needs me to keep doing everything I do. Well, maybe minus the yelling. With lots of love and patience we will help our children grow into beautiful adults full of kindness and great manners. Good job! I think you are a wonderful mother.
ReplyDeleteI know how hard that can be, but you did absolutely the right thing.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a wonderful mother as can be seen by the fact that she wants to please you so much even when she knows she has done something wrong.
Don't worry, it will only get worse as she becomes a teenager... :-) I've been through it, so you know I am here for you!
Ree- Ree great job you get a smiley face. I'm proud of you, you stuck to what you wanted to do then came back for a small convo not just a regular social call but to let her know u still love her but that she has to understand what mommy says must be done. A tap is fine you did everything to avoid that one. Let's see if she will sit on the table tonight lol.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Sheress
Good job, Mom! Consistency is the key.
ReplyDeleteKids need structure, and you're providing that for her. I've seen the results of laissez-faire parenting, and it's frightening. It may be more difficult to put your foot down, but in the long run, she'll thank you. Good on ya!
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