Tomorrow my first born begins Kindergarten. I have so many things going on in my head as I try to rectify this in my life. He actually should be starting 1st Grade so I should be happy that I had an extra year with him to enjoy his being home but I am still so sad. Actually, sad is not the word I would use. Maybe sad, makes it sound like I am crying, nervous, and heartbroken that my baby is growing up. This is not the case at all. I am excited for him. He is going to learn so many new things this year and I know that I have to let him fly and can't keep him in our little, safe cocoon forever but I wish I could. Not that this would be fair to him but I want to hold my babies as long as possible. It all changes to quickly.
I am very comfortable that he will be in good hands at school. His teacher, new to our school district and hired only about 2-3 weeks ago seems amazing and energized. I have met her 3 times and think he will do very well in her class as will the rest of his classmates. I am afraid of the changes in his schedule. The day is so long 8:50 - 3:20. I will only see him for 4.5 hours a night. He wakes at 6:15-6:30 which means a lot of down time from the time he wakes until school, then a long day, snack, play, dinner, bedtime and then all over again.
The schedule beside the fact that I will be missing so much of his day to day life is one of the reasons I have thought of homeschooling. That, and the fact that I believe school, teachers, bureaucrats, classmates and others now have too much influence on who he is going to become.
Putting him to bed tonight, I looked at him long and lean in his bed, holding his teddy bear and listening to his classical music as he has since he was born just tore at my heart. I haven't cried yet and I am hopeful I will not. Mostly, I am going to hold onto the fact that he is going to learn so much at school and I pray that he learns to love it.
God willing we will all eventually come out on the other end of this schedule change, happier, better people.
To find out why I held him back one year see this post.
I know that you have prepared him well for the first day of school. He will take a little time to get used to the schedule, but with your love and help he will do fine. It's you I'm worried about! You still have Goddess at home, so I think the two of you will get through it together.
ReplyDeleteThat is a wonderful picture of him (of course!)... give him a big hug for me tomorrow (and one for yourself). Now go have a glass of wine, and relax.
From your lips to God's ears Lorie!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some wine. Damn we should have a bottle on hand all the time.
Thanks for the well wishes and hopefully everything will be wonderful. Hope for the best, plan for the worst is always my motto.