Be Still My Mommy Heart

It's not the best picture but that kid getting off the bus!

He's mine.

That is Handsome in all his big boy glory.

Since the first day of school I was adamindt that I was going to drive my kids. I wanted to be "that mom". Always there, involved, doing homework, baking cookies, leaving surprises on their car seats for them to find, notes in the lunchbox, pancakes made into letter, blah blah blah.

Here we are at the 5 week mark and over the past couple of week Handsome has asked if he was taking the bus. He is the ONLY kindergartner in town out of over 70 that is picked up and dropped off. I always said if he really wanted to take the bus, I wouldn't hold him back.  Everyday, all the other kids get on the bus and Handsome, Goddess and I walk to my car with a chorus of "Bye, Handsome, bye, bye, Handsome...." behind us. Cuuuutteee!

This morning I spoke to him about the bus again and he said, yes, then he said no.

After I put him on line this morning I walked over and asked the only bus driver I know (by face and association only, "Ava's Mom") if she was the bus for my route. She is! Awesome. So I headed over to him and said, "That is Ava's Mom who drives your bus." He said, "yeah".

This afternoon I didn't sign him out and when he walked out of school I said, "do you want to take the bus?"

He said, "no".

I said, "Ava's mommy drives your bus, do you want to take it?

He said, "no, I don't want to.

(one last time) "Ok, you don't want to take it?"

He said, "Yes, I do. Can you come with me?"

I said, "No but look all your friends are going on. Do you want to take the bus? I will follow you."

He said, "yes" and walked on.

The driver and I exchanged nods and thumbs up.

She gave me the universal sign for hold on, I did.

I saw his friend Leo getting on the bus, and I said, "Leo, Handsome's on the bus."

Goddess and I walked to the car, my mind racing and Goddess whining that she really, really, really wanted to go on the bus.

I got behind the bus and followed until they veered off a side street for drop offs while I took the direct route home.

Most days we are home by 3:40. The bus came at 4:08 and we were home by 4:11. A little less time home but if this is something he wants, this is the best year to do it. There are only Kindergartners on this bus and he and Leo are the last stop. Handsome gets off and Leo two streets later.

He came off the bus like a big boy and I told the bus driver it would only be in the return trip and that I would still drive in the morning. We would have to be at the bus stop too early. School is long enough!

I will continue to show up at the school for the next two weeks and see if he wants to ride. It is in his hands. After the two weeks I will drop off and let him take the bus if this is something he wants to do.

Oh my aching heart but I know this is something I have to do. It is only a bus ride. He is not heading off to college and I can let him grow, spread his wings and spend some time with his friends before coming back into the safe nest of his home.

Spread your wings my son but don't try to fly too far from the nest, you have plenty of time and Mommy just might clip them.