We walk to a secluded area and her lovely teacher proceeds to tell me this story.
Teacher - "We were getting ready for story time. I am getting the book and I look up and see Goddess, lift her leg back and kick Izzy in the back. I don't think she likes her."
"What?" My mouth was hanging open so she went on.
Teacher - "Oh yeah, and it wasn't a little kick. I saw her. She really kicked her." Then she shows me what it was like. No, she didn't actually kick me, just showed the leg thingy.
"Get out of here! That is so unlike her."
Teacher - "I know! I was so shocked that I shouted out "Goddess! Then she started crying. I think she was embarressed."
"Oh yeah, she gets embaressed easily."
Teacher - "So I told her we don't do that and made her sit down in the settle down chair and told her to take a moment to calm down."
"Did you ask her why?"
Teacher - "Yes, she said it is because she takes toys away from us all the time."
"Oh, well that is not ok. Thanks for telling me. I am shocked. I will talk to her."
Goddess comes running in and shows me her stickers. I start putting her coat on and tell her that if I were her teacher I would not have given her a sticker.
She asked why and I told her because you don't deserve one. "You kicked a friend. (Oh we use the word friend for everyone). We are going to talk about this miss".
"No, I don't want to" and she heads for the door.
I take her hand in the parking lot and tell her as I place her in the car that it is not OK to kick and would like to know why she kicked someone. "I am shocked Goddess. These are not stories that I want to hear from your teacher. Kicking is not OK and you could have hurt her. What gives you the right to kick another child?"
"She's a bad girl! She always takes toys out of our hands. She is mean" she tells me (this girl is 3 years old and doesn't talk much).
"Well, the next time, you are to go to your teacher and tell her. You are never to kick someone again!"
We take the 3 minute drive to the library and as we get out I tell her that we will not be going inside until she tells me that she will never kick another child again.
She says she wants to say it in my ear. This is something she has been doing forever. We walk into the vestibule and I say, the same thing again. "You tell me that you will never do this again and we can go in."
She starts crying and shakes her head no. I tell her that she has till the count of 5 to say it or we will go back to the car. I get to 5 and take her hand and walk out the door.
She runs into a corner next to the door and starts crying harder. I tell her that she needs to calm down and that I want to hear from her that she knows she is never to kick again. She shakes her head us. I wipe her tears and say tell me. She says, she won't kick again.
Then I try again, why not push my luck? I need to know why she decided to kick this little girl.
"She sat on my blue spot on the rug! That is where I always sit. It is my favorite color and she always sits on purple. I wanted to sit there."
So, I give her the speech, "well my favorite color is blue too. Maybe she decided that she like blue today, or maybe she didn't even think about it. She is little and probably just wanted to sit like the teacher asked. You do not own that rug. It is a place to sit so your teacher can read to you. The next time someone is on your color you are to sit somewhere else. Do you understand?!
She said, "Yes."
Then I follow up with "Daddy and I never want to hear something like this from your teacher again do you hear me?" Honestly, why not beat a dead horse?!
She says "Yes" and all is well.
Between my son's answering back and potty talk (farts, butt, "someone smells like diaper", and more kid comedy) and Goddess' bullying...things are just ducky.
How would you have handled this? Did I go too far?
I think you did just fine. She has to know it is not okay to kick under any circumstances, and you were hard with love. She may get mad or be upset she was in trouble, but because you care and laid the law down, she will probably not kick the other girl again. It is a way of getting her to learn tolerance. Well done!!
ReplyDeleteBesides you getting tough on her, probably hurt you more than her.
Beautiful pic by the way. Looks really are deceiving, she looks like an angel... lol
I'm not a parent but I swear to god some kids are so mean that I secretly wish that some kid would come along and kick them!
ReplyDeleteMy friend's daughter is a bully. One day she and my other friends little girl were playing in the yard and the bully hit the other girl. My friend got up and said,"Jane if she hits you again I want you to haul off and hit her as hard as you can do you hear me?!"
I thought that was one of the funniest things I had ever heard a mom do.
No, I think you really needed to know the reason why she did it, so you could set firm ground rules or it could have happened again.
ReplyDeleteBetter to get it understood all the way then to have her be aiming for a back the next time with her foot and end up accidentally kicking a head. I don't think you went to far at all.
I am a director of a preschool. We wish more parents would care when we tell them their child made a bad choice during the day. A lot of them find a way to blame the teacher or other excuses. It was definately handled appropriately. At least she did not do what my son did when he was in pre-k (before I started working in the field). He and another child go together and decided to toliet paper the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think you took this too far. You did the right thing by telling your daughter why the little girl might have sat on her favorite color rug and that she was little and didn't do it on purpose. You were also right in making her tell you that she wouldn't do it again. I think she needed to know that you were upset so that she would know this was the wrong thing to do.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe you should have her say she is sorry to the little girl for kicking her (if she hasn't already) and this might make both girls feel better.
I do not think you were too harsh at all. Luckily she was too little to cause any real harm with her kicking. I experienced a similar situation when my son was in second grade but he kicked the little boy so hard,for calling him a baby, that the boy had to go to the hospital to get checked out and my son was suspended for 2 days from school. It is best you make sure she knows you mean business. My son was grounded for two weeks. My reaction may have been too harsh but he has not tried something like that again and I don't think your daughter will either.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job in letting her know she had committed a serious offense. I think she will remember your talk
ReplyDelete(and your disappointment in her) next time she thinks about kicking someone!
Fredamans, It did hurt. I was really shocked and surprised but I knew I had to tell her in no uncertain terms that this was not ok.
ReplyDeleteRight, she looks like an angel in this picture. I always said, God made her cute for a reason. She is going to test me every step of the way.
ScewLucky. Hahaha...there are some mean kids. I see it at the park all the time. Mostly I am a helicopter parent because I want to make sure no one mistreats them especially at the park.
I tell my kids all the time after playing referee all day, "if you two are going to fight there better be some blood. Go ahead hit each other!" They both scream no and eventually walk away.
Ifhpueblo, Thanks...that is exactly what I figured too. The little girl was unhurt but the next time could be worse. So, hopefully I hit a home run with this conversation and she never does it again.
Candie L, I believe you. I think most parents are under the umbrella of "not my kid". My umbrella is quite different. We really don't know what our kids are like when they are not with us. I have seen some really nasty kids whose parents swear they are angels. Hahaha...tp'ing the bathroom in PreK, sounds like something my daughter would get into if she saw someone doing it.
The Ladya, She says she apologized. I don't believe her preschool is big on the apology thing. I have witnessed things and the kids are never asked to apologize. I think they should have to.
Lezanac, Oh my. That is scary. 2 days is pretty drastic for second grade no. Hopefully the other kid was OK. So glad to hear that he has not done this before. I believe if I didn't make my daughter tell me she would never do this again sending someone to the hospital wouldn't be too far behind.
Renee, You are so right. The last thing we want to do as kids is disappoint our parents. Goddess knows this word too well. I use it all the time. I think it is more powerful than I am MAD at you.
I think you did absolutely the right thing. You know that I think you are one of the best moms in the world! I know that Goddess is more upset with disappointing you and her daddy than anything else that happened that day. I am sure that she understood everything you explained to her because you took her feelings into account without discounting them, but gave her an outlet by telling her to talk to the teacher if the other girl misbehaves again.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful woman and a fabulous mother, the other girls mom should take a lesson from you!