Mom Guilt To The Hilt

This is the 3rd Summer in a row that I feel like I let my kids down. Don't get me wrong, I am completely aware that they are thriving and happy but I wish I had more time with them. Two months goes so fast. Today they headed back to school and I feel like I lost a whole month of their summer vacation. Between working, summer classes, swimming classes and than my medically compromised August, I missed a lot of time with them. Thankfully they are completely unaware of how the other half lives and this is a good thing. They enjoyed their summer but I feel bad not having done anything with them.

We didn't bowl.
We didn't go to the movies.
We didn't have play dates.
We didn't go on vacation.
We didn't visit family and friends.
We didn't go to the zoo.
We didn't do too muckin fuch!

We did go to the beach (lake) a lot.
We did watch a lot of movies.
We did go for ice cream a few times.
We did go to breakfast a few times.
I just wish it could have been more.

This morning the rain kept us from getting too many pictures. I was able to get two or three of them in class before backing out to allow the teachers to get on with their class. I know they are not babies anymore but I want to experience their morning. I want to see their desks. I want to be there to hear about their day.

Today work kept me from being there to get them off the bus so that I could hear all about their first day. Thankfully my good friend, someone I know and trust completely was there to get them and take care of them, but it wasn't me.

There was no video of their morning but on the bright side. This morning was awesome. They were up and dressed and hour and a half before they had to leave. We listened to music and danced. We had breakfast and talked about their morning and school. They were excited to see their friends and make some new ones.

I was thrilled when I walked into Goddess' class and saw that 5 of my brownie troop was together. Goddess and her friends, one who has been with her every year since Preschool once again have the same teacher.

Life is good. My guilt doesn't keep me awake at night because I know that things could be a lot worse. I know that I am lucky to be with them because 2010 that could have changed. This surgery will hopefully be a good thing and allow me to do the things I have been unable to do. While I probably won't ever be able to give them another piggyback ride ride ever again, I remind myself that I must have given over 500 in the past 9 years.

Yes, I have mommy guilt, but as a rational person, I know how much I love them and that if things could have been different they would have been.

As I sit at work, I think about my babies at home and can't wait to see them and hear all about their day. Working moms have been dealing with this for years but it is new to me and hopefully, with work comes extra money and that my friends is worth it right now!