Have you ever been so deep in life issues that you sometimes lose the simple abilities to find breathing room? Well, I am not THERE yet but I know the feeling really well.
My life has never been an easy one and what gets me through most of the BS is knowing how my life could have turned out.
Molestation from the ages of 7 - 16
Mother dying after a 8 months of fighting an aggressive cancer when I was 12
Daddy abandoning his daughters and responsibilities when I was 13 and leaving us with said molester
Leaving home on my graduation day to take care of myself, go to college and work PT
All of these things could have easily added up to a life of drinking and drugs but they didn't but they did add up to feelings of abandonment, fear, sadness, loneliness, resentment and trust issues that a scared, little girl had to float above because she never had a safe place to fall.
I have been to therapy, my friends are awesome, I know how to keep negativity out of my life or at least the people who bring it in yet, learned to breathe through it and realize that if you concentrate on the negative you will always only see it. So over the past 20 years I have focuses on the positive and any one of my friends would say I am balance, happy, positive and always smiling. BUT..lately, the smile seems harder to find. The positive feelings are something I have to fight for and the happiness, well, that is something I get courtesy of two little people in my life.
As someone who has moved through such traumatic experiences, I know this is just another one I have to move through but even knowing that eventually I will; I find it painful to know that I have to go through it and that I am uncertain of the path. The current path is bumpy and rocky with many branches that rip at my ankles and sometimes leave big, bloody scratches that will take years to heal BUT, I am hopeful that they will heal albeit with a scar.
How do you move through the difficult times in life? What is your method for protecting yourself?
Realizing we are just passing thru. This is not home. Thank God. I've been thru many many of the things you listed and more. It's tough down here. I mainly try to keep to myself and my son because as soon as someone, anyone, opens their mouth to me ..lies flow out. I can't tell you why but if you have actual friends on earth here you are LUCKY!!
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a method, I just get through it.... I'm a realist, so seeing a more positive or more negative outcome isn't part of who I am when thinking. I just see the problem, deal with it and move on. Sometimes I may seem insensitive, but I am just very real and more bold in my speech and emotions than most.
ReplyDeleteYour story choked me up, and all I want to do is give you the biggest hugs. Damn, I feel I have to protect you too, though I know you don't need it, at least from me.
Don't know what you're going through, situation wise, hoping for the best for you always. (((HUGS)))
Sure as hell don't stop smiling! With one of the most beautiful smiles ever, I'd hate to see it go to waste! God gave you that beautiful smile so you would share it with us miserable sots. Do your thang, girlfriend! ;-)