You Are Not Alone

Sometimes I wonder why do you allow yourself to get hurt almost daily? Sometimes the people you never expected to hurt you can cut you like you've never been cut before and sometimes you let them do it over and over and over.

I say "you let them" because we all have the power to make the necessary changes that will make our lives better. Maybe not immediately but in the long run your heart will mend. It will. You know it will. You also know what needs to be done.

The world is not black and white. There are so many shades and you can only do what you can do. There are days we all can push our deep, dark, scary, sad, or whatever feelings aside. They are there but not on the surface. We can feel them pushing, trying to get to the surface but for whatever reason we are able to keep it restrained. Other days the pain is so close to the surface that nothing you do will stop it from spilling over. I am having one of those mornings.

Having a support system is key but this time I don't have one. I don't have one because I chose to not share this hurt. I choose to keep it boxed, this one cannot be shared, not right now. This pain is still so raw even after almost two years. The kind of pain that keeps you from moving forward in life and I know it is keeping me. It is stopping me from being happy, living, loving and enjoying.

If you are hurting, please know you are not alone. There are so many who hurt daily, cry daily, try daily. Putting on a smile for my family and making sure they are happy, living, loving and enjoying life is what is important to me. My pain will go away, IT will. I know it will. I know there are things I will have to do to make that happen. Things that will break MY heart. BUT until then, I know I am not alone. Sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes I know that I have me and I AM love, I live, sometimes, I am happy and sometimes I enjoy. I pray to make those sometimes change to an "all the time" but until then.....I am and that will have to be enough.