Helpful Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Divorce

Divorce is never easy on anyone, especially the children. Even the most amicable of breakups are never quite as agreeable for kids and this is why we must understand the dos and don’ts of talking to our children about divorce. As difficult as it will be for you, remember that they are young people with little experience in the hurt of the world. Your world may be turning upside down, but theirs is going in cartwheels. Keep that in mind when discussing what life will look like going forward.

Honesty Is ALWAYS the Best Policy

One thing most children seem to do is somehow blame themselves for the problems mom and dad are experiencing. You want to avoid this at all costs so the important thing to do is be as honest as possible without going into all the particulars. For example, if mom or dad had an affair, you don’t need to tell them that! You could honestly say you are no longer getting along but that will not interfere with their love for them.

Reassure Them That You Will BOTH Be Active in Their Lives

You have probably heard this a million and one times in your life, even before you knew a breakup was imminent. However, it is one of the things kids want to hear. Don’t make them pick and choose sides! In fact, according to the Simon Law Group in New Jersey, co-parenting is the perfect solution if you can reach an agreement. 

It goes beyond shared custody in that both parents must, by reason of the decree, be equally active in all things pertaining to the children. This is from financial support to housing to education and everything in between. Coparenting is one of the most effective ways of keeping kids from experiencing pain and trauma.

Let Them Talk As Needed

There is something else you should be aware of when trying to understand the best way of talking to your kids about your divorce. The operative phrase here is ‘talking to,’ not ‘talking at’ the children. This means that you also need to listen to them and their concerns. Try not to shut them down just because it is too painful for you to bear. Sadly, that’s what you signed up for when you decided to parent those children, so let them voice their concerns. How you answer them matters, so answer them honestly and at a level they can comprehend.

Remember, divorce is a family matter, and it affects everyone involved. What many parents seem to forget is that children are involved as well. It may be emotionally more than you can handle at this time, but for the kids, it might be more than they can handle for the rest of their lives. Be honest, gentle, and reassuring. At least in this, you could still make an effort to work together. They are, after all, the children of both parents so let’s keep it that way in everything you do and say.

Thanks to engin akyurt @enginakyurt for making this photo available freely on Unsplash 🎁
https://unsplash.com/photos/Jw5Kth70hQo